My son has mastered the art of offloading responsibility for his actions onto someone or something else.
Coming home from the store today, he told me, “My brain needs a drink.”
“Oh yeah,” I asked.
“Yep, it wants a chocolate milkshake. It’s thirsty. All of me is thirsty and needs a chocolate milkshake.”
His brain’s thirst for chocolate went unquenched but it’s not the first time I’ve heard him speak of his body parts as though they were independent beings.
We’re been working on his wiggliness in school and church but he still has a lot of room for improvement. I finally know why…
One night of excess wiggling, I asked him why he couldn’t sit still and he said, “My bones are too wiggly. I try to tell them to stop but they don’t listen.”
We’ve heard the gamut of excuses for his actions, usually as we’re putting him in time out. His sisters get blamed for a lot of it even when they aren’t around.
A classic example goes something like this, “Son, did you eat the cookie you weren't supposed to eat?”
“No.” My big sister did it.”
“You mean your only big sister who is currently at school and couldn’t possibly have reached her arm the 20 miles it would take to snatch the cookie that was sitting on the counter where you were loitering and looks suspiciously similar to the smear on your face? That cookie?”
“Yep. She must have done it.”
One time his sister caught him popping a piece of candy in his mouth and tattled on him. His quick reply as he spit the offending candy out was, “I wasn’t eating it, I was just making it wet.”
I guess I shouldn’t worry too much. After all, if he continues on this path, he’ll have a bright future in politics.